Feeling less than magical.

A Softer World gets it right every. single. time.

Christmases Past

Hi, loves.

It has been busybusybusy around our place lately -- we've been packing, moving, unpacking, and when we were aaaaallllmost unpacked, we had to scramble around to get Hubs ready for his flight to Florida for his management-in-training week of fun. It has been a hectic couple of weeks, for sure, but I am absolutely in love with our new apartment and I have every intention of posting photos here... but first, I must finish unpacking, clean it properly, and then decorate for Christmas.

So for now, in lieu of an actual update, you get some of my favorite photos from Christmases past, which you guys may or may not have seen around my favorite corner of the internet -- the Flickrverse.

Papaw, 2007

My adorable ham of a cousin, Emily, 2005

Dad & Mom, 1982, their first married Christmas.

Papaw & Granny's old house during a white Christmas in the 1980s.

Mr. Snowman, painted by Mom in her college ceramics class.

Me, wearing The Coolest Santa Hat Ever, made especially for me by the coolest Australian sister ever.

'Tis the season for bokeh and laughter!

So what about you, my lovelies? Are you in the holiday spirit yet? My Christmas spirit has been delayed by consistently above-average temperatures (we're talking 70-75 degrees here; I haven't worn a hoodie in two weeks). Cross your fingers that December temperatures arrive below the Mason-Dixon line in time for a white (or at least flurried) Christmas! ♥

Thanksgiving & more

Our Thanksgiving couldn't have possibly been more perfect.

It wasn't the biggest Thanksgiving to-do we've ever had, obviously, but everyone in the immediate family was  there. Mom, Dad, Jessica, Eric, Jeremy, and me. That's what matters. My Uncle Kenny even stopped by for a while to visit and to pick up plates of food for himself and his wife who was at home sick.

Everyone was in a good mood and everyone was so present, if you know what I mean. Nobody was zoned out staring at the television, nobody was compulsively checking their phone, nobody was distracted. We were all there exclusively for seeing each other, and it was warm and happy and home.

Also... Dad ate. Dad ate a lot, actually, considering that his meals for the past couple of weeks consisted of vanilla-flavored Ensure and potato soup. Mom fixed his plate with small portions of everything we had -- ham, chicken and dressing, corn, green beans, macaroni and cheese, sweet potato casserole, stuffed eggs -- and he ate at least a couple of bites of everything. He was positively thrilled to have a home-cooked meal.  We were all so grateful; it was the best day that he'd had in weeks. 

The rest of my days have been filled with the usual: running errands for (and visiting with) my parents, occupying my free time organizing things for our move (we pick up the keys this week -- yippee!), snuggling my sweetie pie, and reading.

Oh, reading!

I finally jumped head-first into The Brightest Star in the Sky by Marian Keyes. I devoured it in three sittings and I loved it. Rainbow and Bethany had both highly recommended Marian Keyes to me. Rainbow suggested Rachel's Holiday as a first read, but since I couldn't find it in our local bookstore (and since the library didn't carry it), I picked this one up as an alternative and it's exactly what I needed to pull me out of my reading slump. I'm currently working on my other library selection, Shine Shine Shine by Lydia Netzer, and it seems like a unique little story so far. I'm enjoying it, but I think I'm picking up another Marian Keyes after I finish it.

Maybe next time I post, I'll have pictures for you guys. I promised Jennifer photos once we get it fully set up, but I think progress photos would be fun as well.  :-)

Hope you all are doing well. If you have my current address and need my new one, hit me up in the comments! Christmas card time is approaching! ♥

Be Calm

Throw a Beatles "Abbey Road" blanket over this girl and you've got a fairly accurate representation of my Sunday.

In the last few days, I've started about five different posts and I've scrapped them all. Words are fickle and feel jumbled in my head. To quote the wondrous John Green, my thoughts are stars that I cannot fathom into constellations.

I can't keep my head straight. I can't stay focused. I've backspaced and retyped where I'm going with this paragraph six times already.

I checked out some books from the library last week and they remain unread.
I rented Moonrise Kingdom (which I have been wanting to see for months) and I returned it unwatched.

Yesterday was more productive, at least. I straightened up the apartment as much as possible, loaded the donation piles into my car to get them out of our living room floor, packed a few more things away for the move, and then ended up at my parents' house (with a giant container of potato soup that J made for Dad since he can't eat solid food right now). Scrubbed their bathrooms from floor to ceiling, washed dishes, took care of the cat's food dishes and litter box. J even installed a toilet in their bathroom since their toilet had decided to go kaput earlier in the day.

They've been trying a few localized radiation treatments around the tumor growing around Dad's artery -- the one that's preventing normal blood flow to and from his arm -- and as a result of those treatments, Dad's throat is basically raw. Sometimes he can chew, sometimes he can't. Sometimes warm liquids hurt him, sometimes cold liquids hurt him. He can talk, but just barely a whispered rasp. He can't sleep, because the medication he's on causes him to jerk uncontrollably, almost like he has Parkinson's, so between the shaking and the oxygen nubbins in his nose, he just simply cannot get comfortable. Sometimes he nods off sitting straight up, and then his head drops and he startles awake. On top of all that, I don't believe the radiation is helping -- his arm is getting more and more swollen, and the skin has begun to split and "weep" (which is the medical term, apparently, for leaking retained water and blood) so Mom has had to apply ointment to the stretched/cracked places and keep it bandaged at all times. The doctor has given them a prescription for a hospital bed, just in case he could rest better in an adjustable bed, but Mom hasn't filled it yet. I think our next course of action will be to rearrange a couple of rooms and figure out where to put it.

They've got a day-long marathon of doctor appointments tomorrow. I think Mom is going to broach the subject of hospice care with both the oncologists and the primary care physician to see if that's a possibility. He absolutely cannot be left on his own at this stage, that's for sure. You all know that I'm not the type to say things like this, good vibes would be welcome (and thank you to those of you who have already been thinking of us).

I can't even believe it's nearly 1am. I honestly have no idea where this day has gone. Hours of internet-hopping and watching J play Assassin's Creed III, I suppose.

I should get to bed. I think I'll listen to fun. for a while before. Cheesy though it may be, "Be Calm" really does help me when I'm on the edge of anxiety.

Be calm, be calm
I know you feel like you are breakin' down
Oh I know
That it gets so hard sometimes
Be calm...

What kind of songs soothe you and help you space out when you need it? Help a sister out and shoot me some recommendations. I'll make a mix.

All my love, guys.

Thankful

Recent events/things for which I am thankful --

• Our new apartment that we'll be in as of December. Two bedrooms, two baths, one story, one neighbor (elderly, quiet, and sure to appreciate our boring quietness as well), and zero jerkface insomniac musicians. We are so ready to be out of this place and away from college kids. We're too old for their shenanigans.
• My vacation time. I've been off this week and it has enabled me to be with my parents when they needed my help with errands, food, and general support.
• My sweet husband, who has been so patient and so empathetic toward my mood this week. He knows when I need hugs, when I need out of the house to clear my head, when I need a homemade pumpkin spice latte, when I need to cry, when I need to be left alone... and he knows exactly how to handle it all. I don't think I can ever thank him enough or repay him for all the support he has given me. I know that I'll sure as hell try.
• Too Cute, on Animal Planet. Puppies and kittens are a great source of happiness. I watched an episode earlier in which a tiny baby goat headbutted a puppy and I thought my heart would explode.
• My adorable little sister. I picked her up from work on Thursday and spent the whole day with her. We grabbed a bite to eat, visited with my parents, talked for a long time, went to PetCo and perused cute animals, and we had a good time. I don't get to do that often enough with her because of our completely opposite schedules. I'm glad we could catch up.
• Tokyo Pen Shop. The lovely Bethany sent me a pen about a year ago and it quickly became my favorite pen of all time. It finally ran out of ink a few weeks ago and I went straight to Bethany's recommended source -- Tokyo Pen Shop -- and I ordered black and purple Uniball Signo DX 0.38 pens as well as a cherry pink Hi-Tec C 0.4 pen. Upon submitting my order, I left a note to Kimberly stating that Bethany had referred me and that I was thankful for the service she offered (because these pens are darn near impossible to find, online or otherwise). I promised to order more once the emerald green had been restocked. Two business days later, my order arrived -- with two additional emerald green pens! Kimberly had included a note thanking me for my business and letting me know that she found those last two pens in emerald green and planned to restock the website with them soon. I was stoked! Talk about awesome customer service. If you're a writer or a pen snob, please go check it out; their prices and service are excellent and their shipping is lightning fast!
• Dove Nourishing Curls Whipped Cream mousse. Best mousse ever -- and it smells amazing. If you're a curly-haired girl, I very highly recommend trying this stuff out.

What are you thankful for today? 

Happy Halloween, y'all!

My five-year-old black kitten little sister & my ten-year-old hippie self in 1994.

Boo & I are be-eff-effs. Also, I miss my purple hair.

...and what Halloween is complete without witchy-stripey stockings?...



...and adorable little bats?

Whatever you do today, whether your night consists of tricks, treats, or both -- be safe and have a blast! 

Everybody Everybody Wants to Love ♥

Okay, so, I know this is going to shock the heck out of all of you, but I have not been a mushy-gushy-disgustingly-googly-eyed newlywed for my entire life.

I mean, I've had relationships. I had all of the stereotypical relationships that one is "supposed" to experience -- The High-School Sweetheart, The Work Fling, The College Mistake, The Rebound, The Pseudo Relationship ... you name it, I've pretty much been there, done that, gotten (and burned) the t-shirt. In the glorious time periods between those, however, I was single.

I would love to sit here and tell you guys that being single was all awesome, all the time, and that it never bothered me to be single, but my pantaloons would be ablaze.  I am, after all, a girl, and even though 90% of the time I was perfectly content with curling up in bed with my cat at the end of the day, the other 10% of the time I enjoyed a self-thrown pity party complete with damaging questions such as "what's wrong with me?" and "why is this person with someone and I'm not?" 

This post is for those of you who are currently battling such questions. First off, and I cannot possibly stress this enough, there is nothing wrong with you. You are awesome.

Recently, a friend of mine has been going through baby-and-bridal-shower overload (there should be a term for this; it happens to the majority of women in their mid-twenties, from what I've observed) and she told me that she just didn't get it -- the girls at the bridal showers (younger than her and married) were complaining about their husbands' high sex drives, boasting that they told their husbands what they could and could not wear, laughing because they didn't even know what to do with their shiny new casserole dishes because they couldn't cook, and so on. My friend couldn't understand why women like that were so desirable and she wasn't (because my friend is a smart, sexy, healthy-food-cookin', craft-makin', clothes-sewing goddess). My answer to her was that some men like to be controlled instead of respected, and even though I absolutely don't understand that relationship dynamic either, it's what works for some couples.

Here's the thing, you are single because the particular person that is out there waiting to love and appreciate you the way you want and deserve hasn't shown up yet. He's a little late to the party and you're probably upset now but once he arrives you'll forget you were ever mad at him for his tardiness.

While you await The One's arrival, observe other people around you. We all know people who got married "because it's the next step" instead of "because we're in love" and we all know people who got married because they wanted a crazy-huge, expensive party (or ring). We all know people who would rather stick with anyone than be alone. It isn't because they're bad people, it's because they didn't think things through as thoroughly as they ought to before making that kind of commitment so now most of those people are unhappy. Societal pressure is brutal; somewhere along the line "single" became synonymous with "unworthy" and that's complete bullshit. Don't listen to that junk; it'll eat you alive. You're single because you're a strong person, because you don't need just anyone to make you happy, because you know what you want. We seek the definition of love that complements our own, and since there are many different types of love (explained by psychologists John Lee and Robert Sternberg), finding someone who will fully understand and fulfill our specific needs might take some patience.

It's okay to have a general outline in your head for things you want to happen in your life, but just take a deep breath when you encounter a hiccup in those plans. I never thought I would get married -- I actually never wanted to get married -- and yet here I am. Having someone completely turn my world (and my plans) upside-down has never been so blissful.

The way I see it is this: the more frogs you kiss, the clearer the Princes of the world become. You learn quickly who is worth a shot and who isn't. You don't mince words, you don't string anyone along out of guilt or obligation, you don't hold on to the ridiculous notion that you'll be able to change them (ugh, why do we even go through that phase, anyway?), and you learn more about yourself and what you want. I know I certainly did; J and I went from first date to marriage in six months because we both had enough life experience behind us that we both realized very quickly that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. All my life, I had scoffed at people who said when you know, you know but take it from this former cynic -- it's true. If it hasn't clicked for you just yet, if you don't know just yet, then perhaps it isn't yet your time.  Be patient, take a deep breath, and try not to let it get you down. Awesome people like you do not go unnoticed for long.

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, It's off to work he goes!

In an earlier post, I told you guys that J was working on borrowed time at his job and we were hoping it would last long enough for us to figure out a new plan without a gap his in employment.

The bad news is that it didn't quite last that long... but the good news is he was offered an amazing restaurant management opportunity less than 24 hours after the fish market closed. If that's not a best-case-possible unemployment scenario, I don't know what is.

The past couple of weeks consisted mainly of phone conversations with the regional manager, drug testing, and background checks; once all of that cleared, he received his schedule and assigned dress code.  He starts locally training tomorrow, he will travel to Florida in December for more training, and by January he will be fully trained. After two or three years, he'll be bumped up to a general manager and they'll relocate us so that he can run his own restaurant.

Things happen the way they are meant to happen. He missed a job opportunity earlier this year due to some pretty ridiculous circumstances. Now I am exceedingly grateful for the fact that he was spared that job in order to eventually acquire this one. Exponentially better pay, better benefits, and better opportunities for growth and relocation within the company since is a well-established corporation with several brands.

We've been giddy. We've been hunting for a new place (read: one that isn't directly above an enthusiastic insomniac of a musician with an electric guitar), looking into me finishing school, putting together a plan for paying off debt; it's all very exciting, really. I'm thankful for the forward motion, for the stability, for the chance for us to better ourselves. Planning the next stage of our lives makes me happy. ♥

...now I just need to work on him in regards to acquiring a furbaby. Haha. I miss having a pet so much! We've been considering hedgehogs or chinchillas for indoor pet options, but no decisions have been made just yet...

What do you guys think?

I hope you're all having a lovely Monday! :-)

Nobody is perfect

Here's what some people don't understand -- flaws, like beauty, are largely in the eye of the beholder.

I've been thinking about this for quite a while, the introspection spurred by several events. Some of them are my own experiences and some of them are others' that I have observed. So many times, people are so hurt that you either think or operate differently than they do, they will think of you as flawed. Even worse than that, they'll try to convince you of it, too.

I'm here to tell you that it isn't true.

I'm here to tell you that sometimes it's okay to be selfish. There's a difference between being selfish and being self-centered in that selfish can be temporary, whereas self-centered rarely is. Sometimes you're worn down by constant demands that are made by loved ones and/or coworkers. Hell, sometimes you demand too much of yourself. It's okay to take a step back and breathe, because here's something that took me too damn long to learn -- it's okay to say "no" to people. You can say no to hanging out if you want to stay in. You can say no to a phone conversation if you know that you'll just be dead air to the other end of the line. You can say no to favors. If your friends know you well enough, they'll back off. They know as well as you do that if they had a crisis in the middle of the night, you'd still show up with no hesitation. Needing time to yourself is not synonymous with being a jerk.

It's okay to re-prioritize your life even though some people may not make the cut... and it's okay not to miss those people, too. Usually it means you've made the right decision. You'll get nostalgic occasionally, but it's mostly nostalgia for the fun or the happiness you had with the people in question. In our everlasting instinct to want to think the best of people, our memories turn to the happy times when we reminisce. If you've ever been upset over the end of a crappy relationship, you know how this goes. People change. You change. As the age-old proverb goes, change is the only constant.

Speaking of which, it's okay to change. You are not betraying anyone by growing as a person (and if they act like it is a betrayal, seriously, it's time to re-evaluate your social circle). Life is too short to pretend to be something or someone you're not just to appease other people or keep from hurting their feelings. Some people want to travel, others are homebodies. Some people want to get married, some will never get out of their party animal stage. Some people want kids, some people don't. Some people need friends outside of their marriage, others are perfectly content with their spouse and their family.  It's okay to be any of these things, as long as you don't lie to others -- or yourself -- about who you really are and where your heart truly is.

Last, but certainly not least, it is okay to be blissfully happy -- and SHOW it. This should be a "duh" but I find so many people being Debbie Downers in response to other people's happiness lately.  As a sweet friend of mine said recently, you may as well be waving an enormous flag that says, "I'm miserable!" when you put down someone else simply for being happy. If someone is incandescently happy, don't you think you should be happy for them too?  Don't you think that they might have walked through the fires of hell to get to their happiness? Don't you think that if you focused a little bit more on yourself and how to escape your struggles that you'd eventually find your own happiness (and want to shout about it from the rooftops)?  I mean, I know it takes less effort to sit, sulk, and snark (and if that's what you choose to do, then I sincerely pity you) ... but what will you ever truly accomplish with your life if that's your attitude toward someone you claim to love who is happy?

So, that little tangent over with, here are my faults.

• I prefer the company of my husband over anyone else in the world. That's part of the reason I married him. I'm not sorry that I love him with my whole being. 
• I prefer not to die within ten miles of my birthplace. I want to experience somewhere new and meet other people. I don't want to commit to one place unless I have to. I'm not sorry that I want to experience other places instead of living on the same street as my entire extended family. 
• I happen to think that there are a few core rules of friendship you simply don't break, and if you do break them, you need to have the balls to own up to your shitty behavior and apologize before you're forgiven.  I'm not sorry that I have a backbone.
• I'm a radically different woman now than I was a year and a half ago. I'm an entirely different creature now than I was several years ago. This has cost me several friendships that were flaky from the beginning and a couple of family ties that made me ashamed of my own blood. I'm not sorry that I'm strong enough to cut toxic people out of my life.
• I'm posting this so that other people might read it and empathize with my point, having been there themselves. I'm not going back to edit it, tweak it, or take it down because I second-guess myself.  I'm not sorry for having an opinion.  
• ....and you shouldn't be, either.

Happy October!

Favorite. Month. Ever.

They Love Each Other

Merry run around
sailing up and down
just looking for a shove
in some direction--
got it from the top
it's nothing you can stop
Lord, you know they
made a fine connection
They love each other
Lord, you can see it's true

He could pass his time

'round some other line

But you know he 

chose this place beside her.

Don't get in the way

there's nothing you can say,

Nothing that you need

to add or do

They love each other

Lord, you can see it's true...

[The Grateful Dead]

Wynken, Blynken, & Nod

I picked up these little guys yesterday from Romancing the Stone and promptly named them Wynken, Blynken, & Nod -- I've always loved that poem.

Scattered update

Things that have happened since the last time I updated....



We took a small road trip to attend J's cousin's cookout. I met more of his family and a good time was had by all. Meeting family in smaller increments has been fun, since it tends to be more personal than an enormous family get-together and it enables me to remember names and personalities more easily. Poor J, he's just going to be thrown into the Cabler clan this holiday season. Due to the fact that we still lived an hour and a half away from each other until December last year, and then when he moved here he was working 70 hours a week, neither of us were able to attend each other's Christmas gatherings. I've met a sizable chunk of his extended family, but he's only met a handful of mine. I'm not at all worried about him fitting in, though -- all he has to do is give a big "Roll Tide!" at Christmas and he'll be accepted and welcomed immediately.


J has been putting in some long hours lately, but that's all coming to a close. For those of you who aren't aware, he moved here last year to run the kitchen of a local restaurant that was in danger of closing. He took it by storm, lowering the food and labor costs, tweaking with recipes and the menu, and increasing the customer base.  He did every single thing the owner asked him to do, and he was proud that he had made such significant changes in such a short amount of time -- until three days before Christmas when the owner called him and said "the restaurant's closed, come get your last check."  Then he was out of work for five weeks until his current workplace (another locally-owned and operated restaurant, focused on seafood) picked him up.


He moved up the chain quickly there, he was given a big promotion and raised salary just three months after being hired, and then last week the restaurant announced its closure. Its last day of operation was Saturday. J hasn't even been in this town for a year and this has happened to him twice. He says that when you go into the restaurant business, that's just part of it and it's bound to happen eventually, but it's still disheartening to know that he's given 110% both times and he's done more than was ever asked of him and here we are for the second time in a year.  This particular restaurant had a fresh fish market attached to the front of it, which is thankfully being kept open for the time being, and as such, J is one of two people who got to keep their jobs despite the restaurant itself closing. I just hope that the fish market lasts long enough for us to figure out a new plan.

The town we live in is choked with restaurants -- there are so many restaurants to choose from that very few of them do well enough consistently enough to profit. That makes it dangerous for him to work here, especially in a Mom-and-Pop place instead of a corporate environment, and he would go corporate if it were his only option but he's told me more than once that going corporate is essentially the death of a serious chef's career.

I told him that no matter what happens, we'll figure something out. He and I have both been passing out applications and résumés like hot cakes, so something is bound to come up for us soon.


I had other things to write about, but I feel like this post is scattered enough, so perhaps I'll save them for another post.

One happy thing, though?  Fall weather is creeping in, slowly but surely. I'm so thankful for that... I truly do come to life in the fall.



Until next time, lovelies.

Whoot!

Just bought this adorable little guy from my lovely friend, Jennifer, who introduced me to Scentsy. I'm so excited and I can't wait for it to get here. It'll be taking the place of the tiny owl warmer we currently have in the living room, and the tiny owl warmer will be relocated to the bedroom. Our entire apartment is going to smell amazing.

Jennifer sent a great selection of sample scents to me, most of which I liked -- Sugar & Pumpkin Marshmallow are my favorites so far. I loved Cherry Vanilla too, but J is not a fan of super-sweet smells that make him hungry, haha. I ordered Clean Breeze (mostly for me -- I'm a sucker for the laundry/linen/fresh air scents) and Route 66 (for J) with the warmer, but I'm open to suggestions if any of you have faves you want to share with me in the comments!

It's Ours

there is always that space there
just before they get to us
that space
that fine relaxer
the breather
while say
flopping on a bed
thinking of nothing
or say
pouring a glass of water from the
spigot
while entranced by
nothing

that
gentle pure
space

it's worth

centuries of
existence

say

just to scratch your neck
while looking out the window at
a bare branch

that space
there
before they get to us
ensures
that
when they do
they won't
get it all

ever.

365 Days

Jeremy & I met a year ago today! ♥

Daisy snuggles.

I got to snuggle my baby girl on Sunday while J and I were at my parents' house. I miss her company so much, especially when J's at work and I have the house to myself. If I didn't think it would wreak havoc on both her nerves and J's allergies, I'd have taken her with me when I moved.  Allergy medication would probably solve the latter, but she is getting so old I wouldn't chance the toll it might take on her poor little nerves.  She's lived in that house for the entirety of her life; any kind of major change now would probably only unnecessarily stress her.

She politely waited for me to finish eating (she's seriously the nicest cat ever -- she's never bitten anyone, scratched anyone, begged for our "people" food, climbed onto surfaces where she shouldn't be ... I've never seen another cat as sweet-mannered) and then hopped onto my lap, rested her chin on my arm, and stayed there for over an hour, purring happily the whole time.

She'll be fourteen on Halloween. I love her. ♥

Animal Crossing...

...is still awesome, by the way. Especially the original. Bad puns abound!

J bought a Gamecube controller just so I could start a new game! I've been so excited and I've been fishing nonstop (well, whenever J isn't playing Grand Theft Auto IV).

Nerds. We are nerds. And we are in nerd love.

It's the best.

100 Things I Love (a work in progress)

I started this in one of my Listography journals and I haven't completed it (yet), but I wanted to share. It picks me up to add a couple of items when I'm feeling down. I've made a point of it not to include specific people (because then the list would never end, really), but moments and experiences instead.

What's something that you truly love? Are you an appreciator of the little things?

1.   realizing that "'til death do us part" isn't nearly long enough ♥
2.   words
3.   music
4.   real (not side) hugs
5.   the crinkly sound that paper makes when it has been written on on both sides
6.   coffee, and how I always think of Granny when I drink it (she thought it tasted like burned peanuts)
7.   the sound and smell of rain
8.   pens
9.   cats
10.   daisies
11.   the sounds of a southern summer
12.   quiet time
13.   people-watching
14.   aquariums
15.   unexpected kindnesses
16.   blank pages
17.   technology
18.   fitting perfectly against my husband when we're snuggled up
19.   autumn colors
20.   Diet Coke
21.   the silence that comes with a blanket of snow
22.   an arm-load of warm towels that just came out of the dryer
23.   the weeble-wobble of babies who have just learned to sit up
24.   the connected feeling you get when you're at a concert with hundred of other people who love the same band you do
25.   homecooked meals
26.   over-the-ear headphones
27.   goosebumps
28.   handmade gifts
29.   the smell of thrift stores and flea markets
30.   eyelashes
31.   pink-and-orange-and-sometimes-lavender-tinted sunsets
32.   the genuine enthusiasm of children
33.   being home for Christmas
34.   purses purses purses
35.   lightning bugs
36.   a new box of crayons
37.   a good cry
38.   skirts
39.   buying pretty make-up (and then never wearing it)
40.   handwriting
41.   doing the hand air-gliding swoosh swoosh up and down while in a car, with my window rolled down
42.   taking a good photo
43.   bats
44.   the soft hum of a box fan
45.   a comfortable silence
46.   starting up the car and hearing your favorite song on the radio, like a soundtrack is just waiting for your life adventure to happen
47.   popping bubblewrap
48.   the sound of the ocean
49.   getting surprise mail
50.   comfortable flip-flops
51.   french toast
52.   blanket forts
53.   sitting down at the end of a long work day
54.   stickers
55.   Burt's Bees lip balm
56.   fingernail polish
57.   naps
58.   purring
59.   trinkets that come with family stories
60.   the blast of the car air conditioner after a summer concert
61.   messenger bags
62.   hoodies

Days

by Billy Collins

Each one is a gift, no doubt,
mysteriously placed in your waking hand
or set upon your forehead
moments before you open your eyes.

Today begins cold and bright,
the ground heavy with snow
and the thick masonry of ice,
the sun glinting off the turrets of clouds.

Through the calm eye of the window
everything is in its place
but so precariously
this day might be resting somehow

on the one before it,
all the days of the past stacked high
like the impossible tower of dishes
entertainers used to build on stage.

No wonder you find yourself
perched on the top of a tall ladder
hoping to add one more.
Just another Wednesday

you whisper,
then holding your breath,
place this cup on yesterday's saucer
without the slightest clink.

Brunette once more!

I got tired of red... and besides, the itch to bleach a chunk of my hair and cover it in Special Effects Pimpin' Purple or Electric Blue has been growing stronger. I can't very well do that with Crayola Red hair, can I?

Also, super happy thing -- tomorrow is the first day in weeks that Jeremy and I have both been scheduled to be off! I don't think we've had an entire day off together since the day we helped his parents finish packing for their move to California at the beginning of April. We had originally planned to take a trip to Bridge Street Town Centre in Huntsville to see an evening showing of The Avengers in the 21+ theater at the Monaco, but the local ticket prices are so much cheaper that we'd rather have a meal out, go to a matinee showing, and skip the two hours of round-trip travel time. We are so ready for a day of relaxation and nerdy superhero movies!

TGIF

 Working where I do makes it easy to lose sight of what's important. As is typical of (I imagine) every person who has a job in customer service, I spend eight hours a day interacting with people who are in some way dissatisfied. Their order hasn't arrived, their item was damaged, they typed in the wrong address, their credit card declined and they're insulted because we didn't ship their order anyway... I could go on with more detail, but you get the idea. I am completely and utterly immersed in negativity each and every day, via email and phone calls.

I read somewhere once, before I started this job, that most people who work in a customer service call center don't stay more than 2-3 years. I completely understand why that is. When I began working here, I was perky and happy on every call and I bent over backwards to help every customer, rude or not. Now, on my especially 'meh' days, I don't even care whether the nice customers get help. It wears you down and you get so frustrated with fighting against your own company to try to help the customers they claim to care so much about, you just eventually give up, conform to their crappy rules and policies they put into place, and you stop trying to make customers happy... and that really isn't fair to the customers who truly need your help (only those customers, though -- to hell with the ones who scream and yell and call you names and throw fits that would put TODDLERS to shame).

The only phrase I can think of using to describe what the job has done to me is "kicked puppy" syndrome. At first I was bouncy and happy and eager to please, but people have been so terribly mean (USUALLY unjustifiably, though there are customers who have justifiable complaints who fly off the hinge when we tell them we are unable to help them without breaking policy) over the past two and a half years I've been here, I basically pick up every phone call with a guarded mentality, and I feel that just about every person I speak with is out to get something for nothing. That is not a good philosophy to adapt, because it makes you bitter and it makes you dislike people in general.

It has begun affecting my off-time. When I'm off, and I'm at home, I don't want to see or speak to anyone unless it's Jeremy (bless his precious heart -- the man is my only solace). I don't go out when I'm off, I don't socialize unless it's via text, and you can forget about reaching me by phone on an off day. Part of that could very well be because I'm still a completely over-the-moon newlywed, but mostly I feel that it's because of my numerous interactions with people who are jerks on a daily basis that I decline to socialize even with people whom I know to be good friends and positive influences.

I think it's time for a job change. Hopefully something can shift around soon. Jeremy has some promising job leads -- one local, a couple of others out-of-state -- and if he gets any of those, I wouldn't really have to work unless I wanted something to pass the time when he's not around. Being married to a chef is tough -- six days a week, 12-14 hour shifts... it really stinks not being home during the time he gets to be home! A girl can only clean and read so much! If I get a part-time job and go back to school (which is what he wants me to do), I think I'd be happy as a clam. Truthfully, I could be a "professional student" - haha. I loved college, despite how much I used to gripe about it. I truly do love to learn. I'd take a class every semester from now until I die and I doubt I'd run out of fun classes to take or things to learn. I'm such a nerd.

Anyway. The entire point of this entry, aside from venting frustrations, was going to be that I am actively trying to see the positive in things. I don't want to be a Debbie Downer. I don't want to be one of those people who has something snarky or judgmental to say. I want to be fun to be around and enjoyable to talk to. I want to continue to appreciate little things and see beauty in every day life. When my ability to do these things is challenged, it gets me down, and I know it's time for a change... and I feel that changes for Jeremy and I are coming very soon.

30 Songs

01 - your favorite song - Asking me to pick a favorite song is like asking a parent to pick a favorite child. It just isn't fair. As of right now, my most-played song on both my phone and my iPod is "Some Nights" by fun. It may stay that way for a month and it may change tomorrow. It all depends on the mood.

 02 - your least favorite song - This could be any number of songs.  I'll listen to anything once and I can tolerate about 95% of the music out there, but the rule of thumb for me, musically, is this -- if I can't understand your lyrics, I'm not listening to your music. If your song consists of gibberish proclaiming to be rap, no thanks. If your music is nothing but high-pitched screaming or gutteral grunts, it's not happening. I suppose that since I am such a word-centric person, this makes sense, as I am also unable to listen to songs in other languages, no matter how beautiful the music itself might be. I connect on a lyrical level, not a chord level.

 03 - a song that makes you happy - "Sugar Magnolia" by the Grateful Dead (because it's the first song I ever remember hearing by the Grateful Dead).

 04 - a song that makes you sad - "Breathe Me" by Sia (THANKS, "Six Feet Under") and "Miss You Love" by Maria Mena.

 05 - a song that reminds you of someone - "I Don't Want this Night to End" by Luke Bryan is the first song that popped in my head, because it's "our" song, but there are a hundred more answers to this.

 06 - a song that reminds you of somewhere - I was listening to "Raspberry Beret" by Prince when I saw the ocean and walked on a beach for the first time. I was fourteen.

 07 - a song that reminds you of a certain event - "Can't Fight the Moonlight" from the "Coyote Ugly" soundtrack was playing when my friends and I were in a seriously scary wreck when I was seventeen. I'd like to take this opportunity to note that I wasn't in charge of the musical selection on that particular evening.

 08 - a song that you know all the words to - My brain just twitched. It's 75% song lyrics. Are you kidding me? I'm going with "anything I've heard more than once." The one I may me a little proud of is "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel.

 09 - a song that you can dance to - Most songs, as long as they aren't unbearably slow.

 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep - "The Only Living Boy in New York" by Simon & Garfunkel.

 11 - a song from your favorite band - "If Work Permits" by The Format. "China Cat Sunflower" by  Grateful Dead.

 12 - a song from a band you hate - "Photograph" by Nickelback. Ugh.

 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure - Dude. "Toxic" by Britney Spears, "Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake, "Invisible" by Clay Aiken, and now I'm going to stop because you get the point. In my defense, they're catchy as hell.

 14 - a song that no one would expect you to love - Rap. Hey, I have some. I listen to it. Just not often.

 15 - a song that describes you - "Imperfect Is The New Perfect" by Caitlin Crosby.

 16 - a song that you used to love but now hate - Panic! at the Disco's "Lying is The Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off" ... which is odd. I love Panic!, truly I do, but some of the stuff on "A Fever You Can't Sweat Out" just no longer appeals to me ("hate" is a strong word).  I've grown to love their "Vices & Virtues" sound much much more.

 17 - a song that you hear often on the radio - Since I keep my XM station tuned to the 90s station, I jam out regularly to "Follow You Down" by the Gin Blossoms and "Semi-Charmed Life" by Third Eye Blind, among other awesometastical hits from my adolescent years.

 18 - a song that you wish you heard on the radio - Anything from The Format.

 19 - a song from your favorite album - My favorite album is The Format's "Dog Problems" -- "Inches & Falling (I Love Love)" is one of their best songs, in my opinion. ♥

 20 - a song that you listen to when you’re angry - "Seventy Times 7" by Brand New ... some of the most angry, melodramatic lyrics ever ("I've seen more spine in jellyfish; I've seen more guts in 11 year old kids / so take another drink and drive yourself home / I hope there's ice on all the roads / & you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt / and again when your head goes through the windshield"). Also, very fun to sing-yell along to.

 21 - a song that you listen to when you’re happy -"Crayola Doesn't Make a Color for Your Eyes" by Kristin Andreassen (hat-tip to Bethany for that one -- I've been hooked on it since she introduced me!)

 22 - a song that you listen to when you’re sad - "Colorblind" by Counting Crows and "Keep Breathing" by Ingrid Michaelson.

 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding - I'm married, so I don't really think this applies, but the a sweet song to play at a wedding is Ben Harper's "Forever" :-)

 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral - I don't think it's really proper for a funeral, but I've always kind of loved "Brokedown Palace" by Grateful Dead as a farewell song -- "Fare you well, fare you well, I love you more than words can tell ... Going home, going home, by the waterside I will rest my bones; Listen to the river sing sweet songs to rock my soul."

 25 - a song that makes you laugh - "Just Like my Dog" by Billy Currington -- mostly because of the way my husband sings along to it. It cracks me up when his super-duper country comes out.

 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument - I never learned to play an instrument. Sad panda.

 27 - a song that you wish you could play - "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John.

 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty - "Southern Belle" by Elliott Smith

 29 - a song from your childhood - Michael Jackson's "Thriller" is the first song I remember loving with all of my heart.  Mom and I used to dance to MJ music-video marathons in the living room. Best childhood EVER.

 30 - your favorite song at this time last year - Around this time last year I got really heavily into The Civil Wars, so basically the entire "Barton Hollow" album, with emphasis on the beginning track, "20 Years" ... and also a lot of Mumford & Sons, particularly "Awake My Soul."

Appreciating the little things...

...like the gorgeous weather we've had recently.











(taken by Jeremy)

Happy Easter!

Well, sort of.  I'm at work. I've been writing out thank-you cards for wedding presents that are still trickling in and I've been catching up on "Big Bang Theory" instead of dying and hiding brightly-colored eggs in cute little baskets.

Speaking of which ... I kind of miss dying eggs.

It boggles my brain to walk through a store that is stocked with Easter goodies and to see the plethora of various egg-dying kits that are available now.  Forgive me for sounding old, but back when I was younger, I believe the most fancy kits we had a available were the glitter kits -- and those came about around the time I was losing interest in partaking in holiday traditions. I wonder if the hubs would humor me if I picked up a clearance-priced egg-dying kit due to nostalgic longing. Probably. He's a chef. He could figure out something to do with the boiled eggs after I'd dyed them and taken photos of them and subsequently lost interest.

At least Jeremy gets off work in time to have lunch with me today.  I'm thankful for that because sometimes when we work opposite shifts, there's just enough of an overlap that it causes us to miss my lunch hour. There are days when I kiss him goodbye at 7:30am and then I don't see him again until nearly midnight when I get home. Those days stink.

Mom is cooking for Easter -- actually, she's been marathon-cooking all weekend.  My sister called her and asked her to cook, so Mom went into a whirlwind and ended up cooking basically every signature meal she has.  This is a Big Deal(tm), because her back has her down so often that she rarely ever cooks anymore. She called yesterday to inform me that any we wanted to stop by, we would have ham, chicken and dressing, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, stuffed eggs, corn, potatoes, and strawberry shortcake to graze upon. Nom! 

...and now my stomach is growling. I'm going to return to the thank-you cards.  Maybe the next hour and a half will fly by and I'll be able to calm the cravings.

What was your favorite Easter tradition as a kid? 

Where we love is home -- home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.

In an auction that lasted less than half an hour's time, a very large part of my family history was sold to complete strangers.  


Papaw and Granny lived in that house for over fifty years of their seventy years or marriage.