Thanksgiving & more

Our Thanksgiving couldn't have possibly been more perfect.

It wasn't the biggest Thanksgiving to-do we've ever had, obviously, but everyone in the immediate family was  there. Mom, Dad, Jessica, Eric, Jeremy, and me. That's what matters. My Uncle Kenny even stopped by for a while to visit and to pick up plates of food for himself and his wife who was at home sick.

Everyone was in a good mood and everyone was so present, if you know what I mean. Nobody was zoned out staring at the television, nobody was compulsively checking their phone, nobody was distracted. We were all there exclusively for seeing each other, and it was warm and happy and home.

Also... Dad ate. Dad ate a lot, actually, considering that his meals for the past couple of weeks consisted of vanilla-flavored Ensure and potato soup. Mom fixed his plate with small portions of everything we had -- ham, chicken and dressing, corn, green beans, macaroni and cheese, sweet potato casserole, stuffed eggs -- and he ate at least a couple of bites of everything. He was positively thrilled to have a home-cooked meal.  We were all so grateful; it was the best day that he'd had in weeks. 

The rest of my days have been filled with the usual: running errands for (and visiting with) my parents, occupying my free time organizing things for our move (we pick up the keys this week -- yippee!), snuggling my sweetie pie, and reading.

Oh, reading!

I finally jumped head-first into The Brightest Star in the Sky by Marian Keyes. I devoured it in three sittings and I loved it. Rainbow and Bethany had both highly recommended Marian Keyes to me. Rainbow suggested Rachel's Holiday as a first read, but since I couldn't find it in our local bookstore (and since the library didn't carry it), I picked this one up as an alternative and it's exactly what I needed to pull me out of my reading slump. I'm currently working on my other library selection, Shine Shine Shine by Lydia Netzer, and it seems like a unique little story so far. I'm enjoying it, but I think I'm picking up another Marian Keyes after I finish it.

Maybe next time I post, I'll have pictures for you guys. I promised Jennifer photos once we get it fully set up, but I think progress photos would be fun as well.  :-)

Hope you all are doing well. If you have my current address and need my new one, hit me up in the comments! Christmas card time is approaching! ♥

Be Calm

Throw a Beatles "Abbey Road" blanket over this girl and you've got a fairly accurate representation of my Sunday.

In the last few days, I've started about five different posts and I've scrapped them all. Words are fickle and feel jumbled in my head. To quote the wondrous John Green, my thoughts are stars that I cannot fathom into constellations.

I can't keep my head straight. I can't stay focused. I've backspaced and retyped where I'm going with this paragraph six times already.

I checked out some books from the library last week and they remain unread.
I rented Moonrise Kingdom (which I have been wanting to see for months) and I returned it unwatched.

Yesterday was more productive, at least. I straightened up the apartment as much as possible, loaded the donation piles into my car to get them out of our living room floor, packed a few more things away for the move, and then ended up at my parents' house (with a giant container of potato soup that J made for Dad since he can't eat solid food right now). Scrubbed their bathrooms from floor to ceiling, washed dishes, took care of the cat's food dishes and litter box. J even installed a toilet in their bathroom since their toilet had decided to go kaput earlier in the day.

They've been trying a few localized radiation treatments around the tumor growing around Dad's artery -- the one that's preventing normal blood flow to and from his arm -- and as a result of those treatments, Dad's throat is basically raw. Sometimes he can chew, sometimes he can't. Sometimes warm liquids hurt him, sometimes cold liquids hurt him. He can talk, but just barely a whispered rasp. He can't sleep, because the medication he's on causes him to jerk uncontrollably, almost like he has Parkinson's, so between the shaking and the oxygen nubbins in his nose, he just simply cannot get comfortable. Sometimes he nods off sitting straight up, and then his head drops and he startles awake. On top of all that, I don't believe the radiation is helping -- his arm is getting more and more swollen, and the skin has begun to split and "weep" (which is the medical term, apparently, for leaking retained water and blood) so Mom has had to apply ointment to the stretched/cracked places and keep it bandaged at all times. The doctor has given them a prescription for a hospital bed, just in case he could rest better in an adjustable bed, but Mom hasn't filled it yet. I think our next course of action will be to rearrange a couple of rooms and figure out where to put it.

They've got a day-long marathon of doctor appointments tomorrow. I think Mom is going to broach the subject of hospice care with both the oncologists and the primary care physician to see if that's a possibility. He absolutely cannot be left on his own at this stage, that's for sure. You all know that I'm not the type to say things like this, good vibes would be welcome (and thank you to those of you who have already been thinking of us).

I can't even believe it's nearly 1am. I honestly have no idea where this day has gone. Hours of internet-hopping and watching J play Assassin's Creed III, I suppose.

I should get to bed. I think I'll listen to fun. for a while before. Cheesy though it may be, "Be Calm" really does help me when I'm on the edge of anxiety.

Be calm, be calm
I know you feel like you are breakin' down
Oh I know
That it gets so hard sometimes
Be calm...

What kind of songs soothe you and help you space out when you need it? Help a sister out and shoot me some recommendations. I'll make a mix.

All my love, guys.

Thankful

Recent events/things for which I am thankful --

• Our new apartment that we'll be in as of December. Two bedrooms, two baths, one story, one neighbor (elderly, quiet, and sure to appreciate our boring quietness as well), and zero jerkface insomniac musicians. We are so ready to be out of this place and away from college kids. We're too old for their shenanigans.
• My vacation time. I've been off this week and it has enabled me to be with my parents when they needed my help with errands, food, and general support.
• My sweet husband, who has been so patient and so empathetic toward my mood this week. He knows when I need hugs, when I need out of the house to clear my head, when I need a homemade pumpkin spice latte, when I need to cry, when I need to be left alone... and he knows exactly how to handle it all. I don't think I can ever thank him enough or repay him for all the support he has given me. I know that I'll sure as hell try.
• Too Cute, on Animal Planet. Puppies and kittens are a great source of happiness. I watched an episode earlier in which a tiny baby goat headbutted a puppy and I thought my heart would explode.
• My adorable little sister. I picked her up from work on Thursday and spent the whole day with her. We grabbed a bite to eat, visited with my parents, talked for a long time, went to PetCo and perused cute animals, and we had a good time. I don't get to do that often enough with her because of our completely opposite schedules. I'm glad we could catch up.
• Tokyo Pen Shop. The lovely Bethany sent me a pen about a year ago and it quickly became my favorite pen of all time. It finally ran out of ink a few weeks ago and I went straight to Bethany's recommended source -- Tokyo Pen Shop -- and I ordered black and purple Uniball Signo DX 0.38 pens as well as a cherry pink Hi-Tec C 0.4 pen. Upon submitting my order, I left a note to Kimberly stating that Bethany had referred me and that I was thankful for the service she offered (because these pens are darn near impossible to find, online or otherwise). I promised to order more once the emerald green had been restocked. Two business days later, my order arrived -- with two additional emerald green pens! Kimberly had included a note thanking me for my business and letting me know that she found those last two pens in emerald green and planned to restock the website with them soon. I was stoked! Talk about awesome customer service. If you're a writer or a pen snob, please go check it out; their prices and service are excellent and their shipping is lightning fast!
• Dove Nourishing Curls Whipped Cream mousse. Best mousse ever -- and it smells amazing. If you're a curly-haired girl, I very highly recommend trying this stuff out.

What are you thankful for today? 

Happy Halloween, y'all!

My five-year-old black kitten little sister & my ten-year-old hippie self in 1994.

Boo & I are be-eff-effs. Also, I miss my purple hair.

...and what Halloween is complete without witchy-stripey stockings?...



...and adorable little bats?

Whatever you do today, whether your night consists of tricks, treats, or both -- be safe and have a blast! 

Everybody Everybody Wants to Love ♥

Okay, so, I know this is going to shock the heck out of all of you, but I have not been a mushy-gushy-disgustingly-googly-eyed newlywed for my entire life.

I mean, I've had relationships. I had all of the stereotypical relationships that one is "supposed" to experience -- The High-School Sweetheart, The Work Fling, The College Mistake, The Rebound, The Pseudo Relationship ... you name it, I've pretty much been there, done that, gotten (and burned) the t-shirt. In the glorious time periods between those, however, I was single.

I would love to sit here and tell you guys that being single was all awesome, all the time, and that it never bothered me to be single, but my pantaloons would be ablaze.  I am, after all, a girl, and even though 90% of the time I was perfectly content with curling up in bed with my cat at the end of the day, the other 10% of the time I enjoyed a self-thrown pity party complete with damaging questions such as "what's wrong with me?" and "why is this person with someone and I'm not?" 

This post is for those of you who are currently battling such questions. First off, and I cannot possibly stress this enough, there is nothing wrong with you. You are awesome.

Recently, a friend of mine has been going through baby-and-bridal-shower overload (there should be a term for this; it happens to the majority of women in their mid-twenties, from what I've observed) and she told me that she just didn't get it -- the girls at the bridal showers (younger than her and married) were complaining about their husbands' high sex drives, boasting that they told their husbands what they could and could not wear, laughing because they didn't even know what to do with their shiny new casserole dishes because they couldn't cook, and so on. My friend couldn't understand why women like that were so desirable and she wasn't (because my friend is a smart, sexy, healthy-food-cookin', craft-makin', clothes-sewing goddess). My answer to her was that some men like to be controlled instead of respected, and even though I absolutely don't understand that relationship dynamic either, it's what works for some couples.

Here's the thing, you are single because the particular person that is out there waiting to love and appreciate you the way you want and deserve hasn't shown up yet. He's a little late to the party and you're probably upset now but once he arrives you'll forget you were ever mad at him for his tardiness.

While you await The One's arrival, observe other people around you. We all know people who got married "because it's the next step" instead of "because we're in love" and we all know people who got married because they wanted a crazy-huge, expensive party (or ring). We all know people who would rather stick with anyone than be alone. It isn't because they're bad people, it's because they didn't think things through as thoroughly as they ought to before making that kind of commitment so now most of those people are unhappy. Societal pressure is brutal; somewhere along the line "single" became synonymous with "unworthy" and that's complete bullshit. Don't listen to that junk; it'll eat you alive. You're single because you're a strong person, because you don't need just anyone to make you happy, because you know what you want. We seek the definition of love that complements our own, and since there are many different types of love (explained by psychologists John Lee and Robert Sternberg), finding someone who will fully understand and fulfill our specific needs might take some patience.

It's okay to have a general outline in your head for things you want to happen in your life, but just take a deep breath when you encounter a hiccup in those plans. I never thought I would get married -- I actually never wanted to get married -- and yet here I am. Having someone completely turn my world (and my plans) upside-down has never been so blissful.

The way I see it is this: the more frogs you kiss, the clearer the Princes of the world become. You learn quickly who is worth a shot and who isn't. You don't mince words, you don't string anyone along out of guilt or obligation, you don't hold on to the ridiculous notion that you'll be able to change them (ugh, why do we even go through that phase, anyway?), and you learn more about yourself and what you want. I know I certainly did; J and I went from first date to marriage in six months because we both had enough life experience behind us that we both realized very quickly that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. All my life, I had scoffed at people who said when you know, you know but take it from this former cynic -- it's true. If it hasn't clicked for you just yet, if you don't know just yet, then perhaps it isn't yet your time.  Be patient, take a deep breath, and try not to let it get you down. Awesome people like you do not go unnoticed for long.